The Daily Gas will be always be there for you. Except during the New Year's holidays.

And it wasn't too good.

In the beginning God created meetings.

T'is the season for forgiving everyone except your boss

Merry (insert your religion here) !

If they ever reinstate the draft, I would gladly volunteer for the Detroit Red Wings

New PC crashes within two seconds of startup

Mayans were "just joking."

End-of-world sale! All posts 50% off!

Big Brother gets busted for not watching you for five minutes

Higgs Boson has an evil twin brother

Google purchases carton of milk, a dozen eggs and some wheat

The Daily Gas will not be posting until December 17, due to, um, technical problems. Thank you.

I have a long history of histories

Ancient Japanese torture method: the Rush Hour Jam-5000-People-In-a-Single-Train method

No need for me to "act" dumb

New theory unifies grandness with everything

Sharp produces new electronic razors

Smartphones dream of electric sheep

Look! Down in the dust! It's Underdog!

Office worker caught in Dilbertian space

Man on ledge rocking to Van Halen's "Jump"

New high-tech e-book now in paper format

Monday, oh Monday.

Unwanted, dead or alive

Still posting, after all these years

Woke up, still alive

The 5-word

Unarmed man defends self with cigarette

Spam me once, shame on me. Spam me 34 times, shame on me.

For whom do I post? I post for thee.

This ain't no cathouse, yo.

Joke blog boosts Ugg sales

A special thanks to all my spammers.

Free software automatically draws money from your bank account

People upset over delayed end-of-world

I like computers. Computers judge everyone as their inferiors

Ain't nothin' a cigar won't cure!

The guy who said "War is hell" never experienced marriage

New locomotive is faster than Superman

Sand, sand, all around, and not a drop to drink

Google this.

In a perfect society, all inboxes would be empty

Man installs Linux on left pinky

Just say something other than "something."

Help! I'm sane!

Ha ha

I should have thought about that sooner. Like when God created light.

Google Team Six

Self-defense lesson 1: Run!

You don't have to kick me to show you're alive

For real

No joke

Just married

Man shows off his concealed carry

Die so you won't have to live another day

Robot says I'm a bad communicator

Zen is thought without emotions

Freedom

Stupidity beaten by insanity

I know what I'm doing. I just don't know why.

Cache of shoes confiscated

I wish I was in Khrushchev's shoes

Smoking is good for your mental health

A little humor goes a long way

Bullet entered my skull, but found nothing to destroy

War breaks out in Lake Wobegon

Re-inventor of wheel wins Nobel Prize

I'm anti-depressant

Single day

Posting every

It's tough

By Daily I mean Daily

Who cares? The world's coming to an end this December anyways

Son needs mother's little helper

Supercomputer fails to solve life issues

Japanese companies embrace the importance of work-work balance

Other peoples' insanity is just you being always wrong

Confused space alien finds self under kid's bed

Philosophers debate the true meaning of the word "is"

The Daily Gas hires 10 million monkeys with typewriters to come up with articles

Greatest common denominator not so great after all

The "work so hard you miss lunch and dinner" diet

Speak softly, and carry a minigun

Non-alcoholic "Whazzup?"

A wise man once said something wise, but I can't remember what it was

GPS leads man to his grave

Post or not post. There is no post.

Ready, set, post!

Man peels price tag off head, now safe

Lonely man dials chat line, gets answering machine

Work hard, die young.

"I'm sorry, I plan to be dead by that day. How about lunch this Thursday?"

Post daily and prosper.

Live life on the edge. Get the new iPhone.

Keeping up with your nephew.

It's 11pm. Do you know where your mind is?

Don't drink and drive and drink and drive

I'm not nervous. It's the world that's freaking out.

Man gets lost and found at lost and found

Sometimes life gets you, and sometimes life gets you.

If the love of your life is healthy and happy, don't worry about the rest (wise words from a fool)

Parents train children CIA-style: trust no one

Zen-master spy dies to live another day

Smoking may be bad for your health, but the stress will probably kill you off first

If Chris Costa is god, who is Travis Haley?

Proverb: "If you can avoid a fight by walking away, do so. Especially if it's with your parents."

I had a happy childhood, according to my parents

Remember what your mother taught you: it is all your fault

Any debate can be won if the facts can be distorted

 

New James Bond movie titled: "Stupid Never Die"

Local street gangs work together in a live-fire simulation

Not smoking is not good for your unhealth

"Do you sleep well at night?""Yeah, I just take six pills and I sleep just fine."

Polite Japanese man politely stabs ten people, politely killing eight of them

Your parents are making life harder for you to prepare you from "the real world"

Where is the wise Morgan Freeman in my life to guide my way?

Smoking gun dies of lung cancer

In a way, cell phones are not good for your brain.

Dead telephone found disconnected

Space aliens offended by their visit being referred to as "an invasion"

If you say to your self, "I'm tired." then you will feel tired. If you say to yourself, "I'm not tired!" you will still be tired.

Mayo Clinic good for your health

Animals pay taxes, too

I feel like a 36 year-old child.

If my creator made me in his own form, we both need to go on a diet

Man drowns in heat wave

Daily? You mean, like, daily daily?

Give me 50 posts! Now!!! Sir, yes sir!!!

Post it, and they will come.

Extraterrestrials caught using fake passports

I apologize.

I apologize for this mornings post. The original intent of this blog was to provide, as much as possible, comments which some of you may hopefully find funny and brighten your day.

This mornings plea was from a desperation and a call for help, but the avenue was totally against the original idea behind this blog, was inappropriate, and just didn't belong here.

For those of you who read my posts for some lighthearted fun, you were probably quite disappointed and possibly shocked, and for that I apologize.

I will continue, and try to dig deep, to post fun, positive content everyday.

I am truly sorry.

Special recon force actually recruits real ghosts

Parents hate each other so much, even bin Laden would go, "Whoa, take it easy now."

Boy Wonder runs out of things to say, now just says, "Wow."

You will pay. Someday. You will pay $2.99.

To post, or not to post, what is the question?

Every single day.

Every day.

Mother of Frankenstein even scarier

Ninja work tactics: How to effectively hide from your boss and coworkers

Mad scientist cured, now working for the benefit of mankind

Extraterrestrials join in on OS war

"I'm sorry, you're not on the hit list. Please fill this registration form."

At least it's daily

"I'm sorry, you're not on the hit list. Please fill this registration form."

This is Daily Gas Actual. Post check, over.

The spirit is waning but the flesh is bleak

Drunken fist master punches self in face

Zen. The art of focusing on everything and nothing at the same time.

I practice zen at work all the time.

GSOC: Google Special Operations Command

Red October finally found in bathtub

Little Brother is watching you

Procrastination is the art of waiting until the wrong moment

Retro is back in fashion

Corrective aviator glasses

Transformers finding it difficult to keep up with automotive trends

New mind-reading device aids you when you are totally lost

Master the zen of panic

All is fair in war and peace

Coworkers give each other code-names to boost morale

Money grow from the Money tree sells for one dollar per dollar

Area 51 moves to Area 42, causing confusion among UFOs

Alien gets ticket for exceeding the speed of light

Position open in a crime syndicate for analyst to analyze this.

Fatigue is only a state of mind. So is insanity.

This summer: Batman reruns

Alive and kick-boxing

Alive and holding my breath

Scientists find Higgs boson, also missing pair of socks

Ancient Disneyland ruins discovered on Mars

Seven-Eleven shifts to Eight-Twelve

Surgeon general says smoking gun not good for health

Peter Parker gives comedy a try in "The Amusing Spiderman"

Your Siri is self-aware

Always look on the bright side of taxes

Life doesn't suck. It's just all your fault, that's all.

Augmented reality? You mean it gets worse?

Smoking can save your life, if you are suicidal

Even my doctor wants me dead

Retro iPad turns out to be a Nintendo

Tactical RedBull holsters now on sale

Men In Black treatment of aliens "unconstitutional"

Karate belts now in multicam

"Someone left behind their take-home-message!"

Spy vs. parents

Hyper-intelligent collie conducts bypass surgery

Happiness can be bought at Walmart for$2.59

going to work = going to war - taking your guns with you

Destroy thyself, for it will bring forth rebirth

Tired, tired, coffee! Tired.

On the eighth day, God made you.

Disrespect others as others disrespect you

Apple juice cures mental illness

Night vision optics for vampires

Fitness expert fails survival test

Dysfunctional family beats the Simpsons

Dysfunctional family hired to interrogate criminals

Murphy's Law fails, things actually go right

The Daily Gas buys Facebook

Think you can just spam me and get away with it!? I guess you can.

Do spammers have a mailing list?

No comment.

Video found guilty of radio star murder

Call of the wild turns out to be wrong number

Alcohol ails what cures you

Novice sniper takes one shot, misses three times

New Siri update understands you when you are drunk

Ain't life like that?

CIA agent trusts someone, dies

Man-machine interface experiment goes wrong, machine will no longer talk to man

Wizard up to neck in work as zombies invade the Land of Oz

Ain't dead yet, but getting there

New smartphone has same level of intelligence as a two-year-old child

Cool new iphone app tells you how cool you are

Life doesn't suck. If life sucked, we would be dead. Wait a minute...

Code of the samurai cracked

Blog this.

Mental cases come in sizes S, M and L

Go ahead, make my compiler

No post, no sleep

Give me liberty, or tax me

Pretend you are a soldier makes your boss yelling at you a whole lot easier

Squirt-gun stops firefight

Feed me to your reader

My shrink, my old nemesis, we meet again

Stress comes in many flavors

The instant you stop being yourself, you will not be happy

How do you buy happiness without money?

Cyanide helps me sleep better

SSSOOOSSS

Christmas light-ups reach Jupiter in June

Just leave me alone. Did you hear me?!

Hostage negotiators called in to mediate parental fighting

I am blogger, hear me type

Relax. You will die sooner or later.

Rolex introduces its new tactical combat series

I am my own man. Right, ma?

Question of life-or-death becomes question of with-or-without fries

Crazy judge denies insanity plea

I graduated 1st in my class of -140 students

Recon unit uncovered by ghost hunters

New back massage method involves getting shot at while wearing bullet-proof vest

Hold on, I only have three arms

Pavlov's dog responds to email

I am running out of cheeks to turn

FBI hostage rescue team saves extraterrestrial abductee

There's no pleasing everybody

Top CIA agent assassinated by parents

Zen master to student: "Listen to me when I'm not talking to you!"

Edison invented 99 diet methods that do not work

What am I staring at, huh?!

Man does not respond to suggestion to shut up

Solar powered radio. Batteries not included.

Mother wakes up child in middle of the night to mediate between parental fighting

Dog saves man's deleted computer files

Comedian dies, rises again from his ashes

Time machine temporarily out of service

Newest OS X version is code named Hello Kitty

Parental guidance is sometimes not suggested

Are you hiding something from me?

"Are you hiding something from me?"
"I'm actually a Soviet spy."
"The Soviet Union has collapsed."
"When did this happen?!"
"Over twenty years ago."
"My case officer has not debriefed me on this. Are you sure of your facts?"
"Ask your case officer, then."
"I have lost contact with my case officer."
"Since when?"
"Over twenty years ago."

"Mr. Gorbachev, change your wallpaper!"

Remote control child

Pretending to work hard is more difficult than it looks

Caffeine addict has intravenous coffee injection

Eyeballs feel like they're one size too big for sockets

UN peacekeepers called in to stop parental fighting

Sadistic boss turns out to be caring, kind sadistic boss

Back pain is connected to the neck pain

Cowboys and aliens vs preadators

Dog collars for fleas

Cup'o'tea for mugs

Wilderness expert lost in office

Pause buttons for conversations

Man's living will becomes never ending story

Paleontologist unearths fish fossil THIS big

Live so you may work to death another day

Wally's picture now on milk cartons

If fatigue was money, I'd be so rich I'd die

Cell phones take over humankind

Work follows you home like Doberman

UN peacekeeper gets caught in middle of gun fight between warring parents

The Joker gets rave reviews at The Bitter End

Reality armed with firearm

DeLorian reveals new time machine at Motor Show

Find peace of mind through love. Good sleep also helps.

Your coworkers are conspiring to kill you

If you were meek, would you really want to inherit the world?

The art of hearing without listening

Telephobia: fear of making phone calls

If life were a Richard Pryor movie, then suddenly everything would make sense

"This ain't McDonald's. Smiles don't come for free."

It's nice to have someone other than your boss breathing down your neck

Night of the living dead postponed till next Wednesday

Neo takes both pills, wakes up in the 60's

It's 11PM on a Friday night; do you know where you are?

 

Coworkers are actually not human, after all

50% of those surveyed believe the other 50% are right

Violent plastic surgeon rearranges face

Scientists discover cure for the boss

Monday morning fever

Workers demand better 3G reception in bathroom stalls

Magpie Dynamics presents: "The Art of the Tactical Desktop"

"We will make you run that spreadsheet harder than you've ever done before."

"How fast can you type under dynamic stress?"

 

Magpie Dynamics.

Fantasy.  Inconsistency.  Inefficiency.

 

Hello, my name is -none of your business-

Parental guided missile destroys childhood

Man mistakenly dials 911 for the 411

Captain America defects to Canada

Boston Globe Trotters perform amazing literary tricks

Professor Zavier leads the Z-Men

Cold War era spy satellite turns to life of crime

Family consultation officer kills self, family falls apart

Waitress gives friendly "leave here now" look

Missile successfully makes 1,000 mile kill-shot

Prophet is stoned to death by colleagues

Soviet satellite defects to West

Anti-anti-depressants help cure happiness

Continental breakfast in bed?

Krazy glue now sane

Take two posts and text me in the morning.

You can talk the talk; but can you post the post?

Supercomputer becomes self-conscious at parties

"What's the difference between worry and fear?" "Don't worry about it."

Insanity is inherited

Child qualifies as marriage counselor for parents

Boss who bullied employee to suicide "was just kidding."

 

Easy like Monday morning

 

Seven Eleven closes for one hour

Shit happens. And then some.

Jobless in Japan, seeking woman in Tokyo area. Also, a job.

The radio in my head still talks to Castro.

Master of drunken fist gets in bar fight

Man who died from overwork is resurrected, heads back to work next week

Wireless bungee jumping.

It's the words unspoken that make you good.

Table for two. One for me, one for my ego.

New midnight oil also burns during day

Busy executive defects to the Burmudas

Keep a smile on your face, a song in your heart, and a Glock in your hand.

Fortunate man evades death, but still has to pay taxes

Man dies of fatigue, blamed on his own laziness

Archaeologist discovers ancient website

Retired satellites play golf, enjoy tea in the afternoon

Bullet enters chest, destroys malignant tumor, saves victim's life

 

New technology allows texting entire Bible in one SMS

Extra-terrestrials hyper-intelligent, but horrible conversationalists

Rambo's mother: "Don't run with a knife in your mouth!"

Roswell alien crash site declared World Heritage

Man hospitalized for Red Bull overdose

Scientists at CERN discover fundamental Lego piece

Speak softly, and carry a big lawyer.

Friends don't let drive drunk friends. Druve drinken. I mean drunken driven. I'll drive.

 

Monkey business booming

Leftist takes right turn, gets lost

"Luke, I am your father's half-twin's godfather's first cousin twice removed."

Ten Miami Dolphins set free by environmental activists

Workaholic arrested for driving under pressure

New law prohibits concealed carry staplers

For emotional counseling, depress one

Local man hospitalized for overdose of New Year's greetings

Scientists discover Mayan calendar actually ended a month ago

Jet Li beats up assailants, saves his bodyguard

Soccer player runs up and grabs Emperor's Cup, wins game