Stephan Bailey, a failure for most of his life, failed an attempted suicide yesterday morning, according to police reports.
Bailey initially shocked, and then amused his coworkers, when he tried to make a dramatic jump from his seven-story office by running against the glass wall, but, lacking momentum, bounced right back.
A coworker, who declined to give her name, gave the following comment amid tears of laughter:
"Stephan was always such a loser. He could never do anything right at work, and now he can't even end his life right."
Doctors have administered sedatives to Bailey, and are now considering having him euthanized.
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